Jonathan Gransee, Psyd

The Emotional System

Wed, 12 Jan 2022 16:27:00 GMT

The post The Emotional System appeared first on Jonathan Gransee, Psyd .

One way to look at the emotional system is to see emotional energy as a consumable resource, which is also limited by your body’s ability to produce the chemicals necessary to make the resource. It’s like money…you have a limited supply, and everything costs something. So, that means that if you want to keep from going emotionally bankrupt, you need to manage your emotional funds wisely. (does this mean you could also become so emotionally ‘rich’ that you would have an unlimited supply of good emotions? Hmmm).

Emotional energy has to be produced. It is not just there. It is produced by our body. This means that different bodies are going to produce different amounts of emotional energy. Certain types of bodies, with certain types of hormones or other body-produced chemicals, may have more emotional energy available, while other types of bodies may have less emotional energy available. Further, the functioning of the brain determines how much emotional energy we have, so if a brain is functioning very well, it will probably produce more emotional energy than one that is not. So, there are variables at play in terms of how much emotional energy is being produced by that person every day.

Let’s say that the typical amount of emotional energy produced per day is 1000 points.

Then, there is also the issue of expending emotional energy. This is where it gets very tricky, because everything costs energy, and some things are not so obvious. Also, some things seem emotionally cheap, but they end up being very expensive because they go on for so long.

Some examples:

Paying attention to someone’s emotions: 10 points
Paying attention to your own emotions: 10 points
Paying attention to multiple people’s emotions: 100 points
Experiencing an emotion: 10 to 1000 points

Happiness: 100 points

Anger: 100 points

Fury: 1000 points

Despair: 1000 points

Amusement: 10 points

Interest: 100 points

Fear: 1000 points

Anxiety: 100 points

Protracted Anxiety: 100 points per 24 hour period

Sadness: 100 points

Loneliness: 500 points

Motivation: 500 points

Helping someone with their emotions: 100 to 1000 points
Protecting yourself from emotional abuse from others: (1000 points per day, beginning with the first day you decide that no-one is going to abuse you again, plus 2000 points per individual incident)
Emotional Abuse from others or from yourself: 10,000 points per incident
Physical Abuse from others, or from yourself: 10,000 to 100,000 points per incident)
Sexual Assault: 100,000 to 1,000,000 points per incident)

If you really focus on this, you will realize all the things you do every day that require emotional energy.

Also, emotional energy is not an unlimited thing. As we have very carefully laid out, there are many things that create a drain on your emotional system, and your emotional system is only able to produce a certain amount of emotional energy every day. Say, for instance, that your emotional system is able to produce $1000 emotional bucks in a day. If you look at the chart, there are a number of things that could quickly deplete your emotional finances for the day. If multiple of those emotions are felt, then you are very quickly in the negative.

Emotionally bankrupt: How does it feel?

We have devised many words to describe that feeling of being emotionally bankrupt. ‘Dead inside,’ ‘meh,’ empty, lonely, missing, depressed, blank, ‘I don’t know,’ etc. It feels almost like you haven’t eaten in a long time, and your stomach is empty, but you don’t have the feeling that it will feel good to eat. And, along with that emotionally bankrupt feeling is a complete lack of motivation. Because, motivation requires emotional energy.

So why is it important not to bankrupt your emotional system?

You do not want to bankrupt your emotional system because you need your emotional currency to function throughout the day. Consider these figures:

Superficial, brief conversation about the weather, or similar convo: 100 points
More in-depth, personalized exchange with someone: 500 points
Deep conversation in which personal truths are revealed: 1000 points
Briefly smiling at someone: 10 points

There may also be things that can provide extra emotional energy, but which can also subtract emotional energy in people who have trauma associated with the action. In such cases, the emotional energy normally gained is instead subtracted. Multiple traumas multiplies the effect:

Hug: +500 points (or -500 points, if trauma-tainted)
Hand shake: +50 points (or – 50 points, if trauma-tainted)
Smile exchange: +50 points (continue same trend as before)
Kiss on face: +100 pointes (or minus)
Kiss on lips: +1000 points (or minus)
Etc.

It is easy to see that one can either gain a lot of points every day, which they then have at their disposal to use on actions throughout the day, or they can give up a lot of points every day, to the point that they are far into the negative, in terms of their points.

So, it turns out you can be emotionally rich, just like you can be emotionally poor. And, just like rich and poor do not like eachother, it turns out that the same goes for emotionally rich, and emotionally poor people.

What is it like to be emotionally poor?
You just don’t feel like doing anything
Things that require you to focus irritate you
You can’t get interested in anything, including things you used to be interested in
You don’t really feel hopeful about the future
You resent demands on your emotional energy
You have conflict with people about your apathy
You become anxious when confronted with things that require emotional energy
You feel as if you want to be alone
You do not want to commit to any long-term relationship because you are not sure you have the emotional energy to maintain it
You find yourself gravitating towards things that offer the prospect of more emotional energy

You have a ‘single solution’ focus, in which you are looking for one thing that will cure your emotional energy problem, or one thing that will explain your lack of emotional energy. (I.e., “I just don’t love you anymore (when in fact you just can’t feel anything).” or “I’m depressed because I was cheated on(when in fact you have been depressed off and on for many years, which caused you to be emotionally distant, which made your partner think you were cheating on them, which made them reconsider their thoughts against cheating, which led to them cheating on you)”) rather than realizing that there are multiple influences, and multiple solutions that must be used in tandem in order to fully understand and cure the issue.

You resent people who are emotionally rich, and find ways to put a negative spin on them so that they look like fools

You find yourself trying to find ways to turn emotional poorness into emotional richness by flipping every feeling to it’s opposite. Pain = pleasure.

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The 10 ESSENTIAL EMOTIONS Every Human Should Experience Before They Die

Fri, 10 Sep 2021 15:21:00 GMT

The post The 10 ESSENTIAL EMOTIONS Every Human Should Experience Before They Die appeared first on Jonathan Gransee, Psyd .

Love

This is potentially an obvious one, although it also is clear that a life without love would be a life that had not been well lived. There is something about love that brings out the best in a person, motivates them to do better, pushes them to try harder, and in the end, makes them a deeper and more interesting person. As well, once a person has felt love, they know what it is that they must do for others, if they truly want to cherish someone.

Loss

With love comes loss, sometimes. It is a horrible feeling, but it is also an essential feeling, because it is a boundary that lets you know exactly what will happen if you do not do the things that you need to do to prevent loss. And, because there are so many things that we can attain in life, including love, and possessions, loss is almost inevitable at some point. But the winner sees loss as a challenge…a challenge to not only regain what was lost, but to gain even more. This works for everything other than romantic relationships…and loved ones. But even losing a loved one has a point…it really shows you how important that connection was, and makes you realize there may be other connections that would be painful if lost.

Anger

Anger is another essential emotion. It’s not fun, and can be very scary. And, when someone does not know how to manage their anger, it can get very traumatic very quickly. However, anger is a sign of a boundary. It is a sign of being overwhelmed with emotions, and it is important to know this and to understand what caused the feeling of being overwhelmed. And, someone who has never felt anger has probably pussy-footed their way through life, which means they really did not push any limits or take on very much stress or responsibility.

Betrayal

The feeling of betrayal is a tough one to stomach. It burns, and it burns, and it burns. It brings out the worst in us. But that is exactly the point. We kinda need to know what our worst is, so we can decide if we need to make any, um, adjustments to our response to betrayal. Because things can get pretty nasty! But, it is through the process of being betrayed that we learn the value of loyalty. And loyalty rocks!

Loyalty

The feeling of loyalty is actually sometimes pretty close to the feeling of Love. Ok, you can argue that point if you want. However, that warm fuzzy feeling and rush of adrenaline when we think of someone we want to be loyal to, because they really worked the relationship just right so that it just feels right…that is a great feeling. And, once you felt it, you can tell when someone else is not feeling it.

Spirituality

Spirituality is an essential emotion, in this writer’s opinion. Many books have been written, and many voices have been raised against organized religion, and against the concept of religion in general. So we’re dodging that bullet by not even going there…this is not about being in a church or about praying to a diety. This is about that feeling that you feel when you know there is something out there bigger than you, that has some sort of ability to influence your life, and to potentially bring you happiness or give you the gift of immortality. It is like a warm, nourishing salve being poured continuously on an open wound…it feels healing, and reassuring, and calm, and safe. And it brings out the best in you…your charity, your grace, your nourishing qualities, your calmest part of yourself. It is a beautiful and unique emotion.

Community

Do you know that feeling? The feeling of community? It’s a grand feeling…it makes you want to reach out and hug your whole city, or town, or village, or hamlet, or whatever. It makes you want to fix things in the community, or help out in the community, or get to know other people in the community, etc. It is an evolved feeling that only means something really intense until after one has known the feeling of love, and loyalty, betrayal and loss.

Fear

Fear sucks. However, it is a very good warning light, so to speak. And we need warning lights to keep us more or less on the right path. And fear saves lives. So it’s essential. But too much fear, and you have a trauma disorder. So, it’s a dicey emotion. But essential.

Depression

Depression is another boundary, more or less. It lets us know that we really messed up our emotional system, and it no longer is able to give us what we want, in terms of feelings. Or, it represents a massive ‘crash and burn’ of the emotional system after something pulled the rug out from under us, so to speak, by leaving us, or by passing away, or by some other means. Depression is also one of the hardest emotions to get out of, because it is so complex. It is usually a combination of many emotions, such as fear, loss, betrayal, an other emotions, but it’s like a pretzel that can’t be untied…and it is very painful. However, it is also a crude (but cruel) guardrail, letting us know that something went wrong.

Satisfaction

This is one I recently became aware of, as a very important feeling, because I realize I’ve probably frustrated a lot of people over the years by not being satisfied. As I told my daughter in a recent lecture following multiple requests for money or items in a very short period of time, “you have to be able to be satisfied!” This feeling lets you know that you have arrived. You have reached your goal. You have felt the feeling you wanted to feel. Every person should be able to be satisfied, so they know how to guide someone else to that feeling. You need to be able to satisfy, and to be satisfied.

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Feeling overwhelmed in public spaces or anxious about going back to work? Medical professionals say you’re not alone

Thu, 22 Apr 2021 19:59:00 GMT

Some people report feeling overwhelmed in busy, public spaces. Others feel anxious about going back to work. Doctors say some people have enjoyed the slower pace.

America’s Temporary Insanity

Mon, 08 Mar 2021 17:03:00 GMT

Much has been said about the craziness in our political system, these past few years…both sides alleging the other is evil, or crazy, or illogical, or racist, or sexist, etc etc. From the outside looking in, it seems our country is imploding from within, with countrymen and countrywoman fighting countrymen and countrywomen. It’s a melee of political fury, fueled by the relentless (or so it seems) energy being generated by a groundswell of anger.

People say the anger is about disenfranchisement, or about racism, or about male privilege, or about the mistreatment of women, etc. etc. And, all of these concepts, and the emotions they represent, are important, necessary, and relevant. Many of these ‘wrongs’ have been a concern for decades, with festering resentment due to the fact that they were never ‘righted.’ However, they are as intense and aggressive as they are, at this point, due to a larger problem.

What is that problem?

To understand the problem, first we must digress to what seems to be a completely unrelated topic. But the reader must trust that it will all make sense in a little bit, and it is quite possible that what will be revealed will resonate with what the reader has already been thinking. So here we go.

9/11. A moment in time that will be part of this country’s history, and part of the history of the world, for as long as history is recorded. It is the Trojan Horse story of our time. And there is no need to go into gory detail about what happened; it is a well-known fact. There are probably few people in this great country who do not know the significance of that date, and I dare say there are probably a lot of people, outside of our land, who also know this date. A small, rather insignificant entity, focused on channeling the hate of thousands of its’ followers, succeeded in dealing a harsh blow to the innards of the most powerful country in the world. The damage was significant; two of our grandest buildings reduced to rubble, massive devastation in the surrounding area, and even more significantly, thousands of our countrymen and countrywomen stolen from us, devastating families, workplaces, and communities. The lost, in lives, and assets, was tremendous. And, the toll continues to mount, as first-responders continue to die from illnesses contracted while working the scene, doing the dirty work to help us recover from the single worst domestic terror incident ever to have occurred on this great land. There is no way that anyone could argue, sanely, that this day did not have a huge and long-term impact on our nation and its occupants.

What followed, and continues to follow, has been a series of actions to address this ripping of so many loved ones from our lives, and this horrific intrusion on our national safety and security. The mastermind of the attack, Osama Bin Laden, is now with his maker, thanks to us. Many of his fellow henchmen have joined him in the great thereafter, wherever that is. And, we have gone to the source, and tens of thousands by tens of thousands of our servicewomen and servicemen have taken the fight to the Middle East; the origin of much of the hate that fuels the relentless aggression directed our way. We have unleashed countless bouts of fury on our enemies, laying waste to their holdings and killing thousands of enemy combatants.

America’s PTSD

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a term that was not even around until about 30 or so years ago. Now, it is part of our daily vocabulary. If you want the technical definition, you can google it, but the basics are this: You are either witness to a trauma directly (i.e., you see someone die), or you hear about it happening to someone very close to you, or you have it happen directly to you. It becomes burned in your brain, and your brain repeatedly reminds you of it, through dreams and flashes of memories related to it (smells, sounds, tastes, etc.), causing you panic attacks or unbearable anxiety. You slowly learn the connection between the flashes of memory and the resulting panic attacks, so you start to protect yourself by avoiding things that will ‘trigger’ you. You stop going out, you socially withdraw, you detach emotionally, and you stop being open and trusting. You feel empty or ‘dead inside.’ You can only feel ‘extremes’ in emotions, such as anger, and that ends up being how people experience you. You don’t sleep well, you never feel safe, you watch your surroundings, and you have a hair-thin trigger for any threat. People experience you as a stubborn, inflexible, intimidating, angry, and aggressive person. And so you are…because all you are, at that point, is your defenses, and defenses tend to be, well, impenetrable. But from your point of view, there is no question that you MUST be that way in order to insure your survival. The defenses are not optional.

Working in the field I do, seeing veteran after veteran, I have come to see a pattern. Veterans, before and after a war, are two different versions of themselves. Before, they tell me how they were the life of the party, or a very integral part of their family; a loved and cherished member of society with close ties with those they loved, and a sense of being important and valued by those they loved. Afterwards, they hear, over and over, that they are not the same person, and that they are now an ‘asshole.’ Marriages end, relationships end, family members ostracize the veteran, friends fade away, and the veteran ends up alone and depressed, with no idea why this has all been happening. 22 a day kill themselves. It is so very sad.

And here we are, America. Here we are.

18 years and some months after 9/11, we are a nation in emotional turmoil. It is sister upon sister, brother upon brother, politician upon politician. And in this paranoid, divisive environment, the ‘cream’ that rises to the top will be the people who operate best in such turmoil and chaos. Warriors. Fighters.

One thing that happens whenever a person develops PTSD and then decides who is to blame for that PTSD, is that they then become very focused on going after whatever it is that they feel caused their PTSD. And, in order to not be frustrated or thwarted in their campaign against the ‘enemy,’ they quickly learn to put a particular ‘spin’ on the situation that makes it clear that they are the ‘good guy’ and the other side is the ‘bad guy.’ Further, because they are the ‘good guy,’ their motives are above reproach, and their aggressive actions are not assault or abuse, or murder, but rather nothing more than self-defense. The problem is, both sides are thinking the same thing; both sides think the other side are murders and abusers.

Not only do we see this in the wars we have been fighting, continuously, for the past 19 years, but we also see it in our politics. Politicians have become more aggressive, it seems, and uglier. Character assassination, which has always been one of the most aggressive social behaviors one can engage in, has become common-place. It used to be that we only used this in extreme cases, but now, it seems to be the ‘go to’ way that one fights back when attacked. And, those who avoid this approach are quickly swept away by the ones who are full-throatily using this approach. Politics has become about who can assassinate the character of someone better than anyone else.

And, it is not only in politics. Character assassination is now the weapon of choice for a large swath of our population. While before we tried to find the good in people, now we are trying to find the bad in people, and then spin it into the worst possible version, for maximum effect. Lives have been destroyed, careers ruined, families devastated. We are destroying ourselves from within, in our search for the ‘bad buy.’

And so, it is my conclusion that this is a nation with PTSD. Because of the chronic feeling of unsafety that 9/11 so effectively created, we now are turning on each other in a relentless pursuit of a feeling of safety. Which we will never get. Not this way. Destroying each other.

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